People are story beings. Stories tell us who were are, where we come from and where we are going. But so often we divorce our stories from where we are and thus rob others from an enriching human experience.

Enriching human experiences are facilitated by events (history), spaces (geographical locations); and people. When we take a look back at some of our past experiences, our imaginations automatically recalls what was happening (events), where we were (spaces); and the people we where with. This is how stories are crafted.  

 

Stories are Memorable, impactful, and personal. They move us intellectually and emotionally. As Dr Pamela Rutledge says: “Stories are how we think.” This is how we make sense of the world around us. 

For a long time I was confused about my surname and its origins. And growing up in the Bokone Bophirima Province of South Africa (Formerly Bophuthatswana), only made matters worse. Can you imagine being an innocent boy walking the dusty roads of this beautiful part of our South Africa with other boys whose surnames would have been Mokgatlhe and Pule, and your surname is Masangane? And an old wise man stops you and your friends on your tracks and asks you this pertinent question: "Who's son are you?" And whilst your friends begin to reveal their surnames to the wise old man, he nods with a grin on his face as if to say "I know whom you are talking about." And when your chance come to do the "big reveal" there is long dramatic pause, and the old wise man looks down on the ground and up to the skies as if he is searching for someone he knows in the village with the same surname as yours. Only to find that there is no one in the village with that surname. And after much deliberations he asks you a question: "Who is Masangane?" At that moment you realise, you don't belong there. You have just become an outsider. Although you talk like them, and look like them, you do not belong there.That same time you wish you knew yourself like your friends did. Although I wished I could own my story like my friends could, I couldn't because my story was hijacked by system that sought to place people according to their ethnicities even though I may have been born in a different geographical location. The words of social worker and practitioner Brene Brown has never rung truer for me: "You either walk inside your story and own it, or stand outside and hustle for your worthiness."

For a long time I saw my family stand outside of their story whilst hustling for their worthiness. 

I have since embarked on a journey of finding where my surname come from and how Masangane fits into the South African jigsaw puzzle of diverse culture and this is what I found out about my surname:

"Masangane Sthole Mdunga o wa dunga'manzi ngo nyawo Mbulase Mabhoko Sindeni Sdwaba sine ntuli Umfazi o mabele amade ucelisa ithole ngaphesheya ko mfula Gwalaza sa mehlo a bovu sadla u dade wabo Mzindelele Mabhoko o nga cali muntu u cala muntu o mthomako"

1.1. Stay centered and do not polarize

Whenever conflict erupts, the first human reaction is to play the ‘blame game.’ This unfortunately results in name-calling and endless arguments that never get resolved. People find themselves tyrannised by ‘either-or’ instead of embracing the genius of the ‘And.’

Staying centred and not polarising means parties involved in a conflict are able to hold on to their views whilst giving those holding an opposing view permission to do the same. This is not about converting others or forcing them to change what they are and assimilate to the dominant view. According to this suggestion there are no protagonists or antagonists, all parties ought to have a single idea in mind, which is resolving the conflict. Therefore self-restraint is a good quality to exercise whenever people holding two opposing views find themselves having to converse and come up with a solution. For example, Jeremiah, a high school deputy principal found himself in volatile conflict situation whereby his leadership style was severely criticised by educators and general school staff. Instead of being defensive, he allowed the complainants adequate space to voice their concerns. Jeremiah’s reflection of the conflict resolution is as follows:

 I found myself at one stage during the session being shot at and hammered with complaints, rage and blames, but to a certain extend I have caught their drift and realized how tough my leadership style hits on my subordinates and colleagues. 

1.2. Maintain contact

This suggestion implies that conflict does not have to end in estrangement or animosity. Parties can maintain contact while taking a break from the heated tension. Stepping back from the conflict, for a while, can give each party involved space to reflect and evaluate their point of view. As they come together again they can utilize dialogue as a way of connecting with each other. This skill, once harnessed, can allow parties to come out of the conflict with a third or even fourth perspective.

William Isaacs (1999) argues that most of our human conversations are based around discussion, which essentially means ‘to break apart,’ instead of being centered around dialogue, meaning ‘through the word.’ This was demonstrated in one of the communities in Kwazulu Natal, South Africa, whereby for a long time human relations were characterized by animosity and hatred. One of the community leaders, Jabu, decided to maintain contact with all residents regardless of political differences or past disagreements. When asked how she did this she said:

 I started attending my opponent’s family events, especially funerals. My friends could not understand why I was doing this. They were concerned about my life saying that people might poison me. But I told them that we couldn’t be controlled by fear forever. We need to reach out to one another in order to build our community.

 1.3. Recognise the existence of different styles

Conflict can be resolved quicker if both partners can recognize the existing different management styles. This is where the need to become aware of the self and of others arises, thus giving each party the opportunity to be authentic and voice their opinions from the heart.

Whenever people from different cultures, age groups, and sexual orientations come together, there potential for conflict is heightened. This occurred at a school leadership camp whereby educators from a Soweto school had to conceive a development plan along with 12 grade 10 learners. During the planning sessions an outspoken male learner assumed responsibility to facilitate the session whilst the educators participated in the brainstorming session.

During the session, two male educators were seen to be whispering to one another and also using a vulgar language. This action was seen as disruptive to the process and the young facilitator confronted these educators. This confrontation was perceived to be disrespectful by the two educators, as they did not expect the young learner to have the courage to confront them. The challenge of age played a major role here, as these two adults did not know how to handle this young man who was now asserting himself as a leader. During the mediation session they said: “We don’t know why we are here. We are much older than these young people and we deserve to be respected.” The young learner responded to this statement by saying: “Look, when we arrived here we were asked to establish some ground rules. And one of those rules was that we must refrain from using vulgar language. The only reason I confronted my educators was that they were breaking our agreement. I do respect them. But I feel they also need to respect us.”

 1.4. Identify your preferred style

Whenever people are caught up in a heated conflict situation, differences manners of response may occur. Some people may opt for avoidance whilst others may want to tackle the issues head-on through direct confrontation. For example, Tumelo, founder of a fledgling training and development company prefers to avoid conflict whilst Devon, his associate trainer prefers a confrontational style. These two opposing styles can sometimes fuel frustrations between these two colleagues as they are not aware each other’s preferred style of handling conflict.

 1.5. Be creative and expand your style repertoire

 Human beings have the inherent capability to think creatively. This quality can be useful even in a conflict situation, especially when the situation seems too complex to resolve. This is essentially about finding solutions outside of the normal frame of reference. In a conflict situation, creativity allows us the opportunity to explore ways to come up with unconventional solutions, which we may not have been able to conceive if we remained rigid to the way we have always done things.

James, a foreman at Quasigovernment Company in the Northern Cape, South Africa, found himself dealing with a workforce that could not work cohesively. After attending a conflict management workshop, he initiated a new way of making everyone feel welcome in the yard. Every morning he would make the effort of greeting his colleagues with the expression of “LOVE.” At first, the workers battled to embrace this action, however, after a few sessions, the whole workforce had bought into the new culture.

 1.6. Recognize the importance of conflict context

 

Conflict often occurs in a particular context at a particular time and place. This means conflict is not only confined to the interpersonal context only, it is also determined by the historical, social, economic, and political contexts. For example Balebetswe, an educator at one of the high schools in South Africa, had been accused as being moody and difficult to deal with. During a mediation session, she eventually opened up and spoke about how she has felt rejected by her school leadership and fellow educators. She mention how when her husband died none of the school staff attended the funeral and how when she was sick no one came see her at hospital. This situation highlights the importance of analyzing the context wherein a conflict occurs. In this instance, there is a cultural context, whereby there is an expectation that when one is mourning the loss of a loved one, his or her colleagues ought to give ongoing support and even attend the funeral. Since this was not done, Balebetswe held a grudge against the school leadership and her colleagues, which lasted until this day.
Sometimes people’s actions cause unnecessary conflict because they did not take the context into consideration. Understanding the context can help in framing the conflict within the cultural, social, political, and historical environments in which it happens. For example, Sandile, was buying an item at Chinese shop when he overhead the store owner calling his assistant who is black with the term “Boy.” This situation enraged Sandile so much that he had to confront the storeowner, and demanded, “Why do you call this grown man a boy? Don’t you know his name?” In this example we see the historical and political context at play, where someone who has disregard for where South Africa comes from as far these factors are concerned, can run the danger of finding him/herself in the thistles of a complex conflict situation.   

1.7. Be willing to forgive

Finally, it is important to consider forgiveness when resolving conflict. This human quality has transcended historical contexts and culture. This means letting go of – not forgetting- feelings of revenge, as Martin and Nakayama (2007) put it. The cliché “Forgive and forget” has been used loosely by many South African in as far as the country’s apartheid past is concerned. Our experience, though, has given us a different picture that although people can forgive, it is often difficult and even impossible to forget.

At the same time forgiveness is a quality that is integral in our human existence. Whenever people battle to forgive others, they end up affecting other areas of their lives such as their physical health. And most importantly, their relationships suffer as a result of their unwillingness to forgive.  

Sources Consulted

 

1.     Isaacs, W, 1999, Dialogue and the Art of thinking together, A pioneering approach to communicating in business and in life, Doubleday

2.     Martin, J.N, Nakayama T.K, 2007, Intercultural Communication in Contexts, McGraw- Hill International Edition

I have been involved in youth and community development for 19 years. This career has seen me travel from small town to small town, city to city, village to village impacting lives of South Africa's youth through school-based programmes aimed at addressing among others HIV/AIDS, Sexuality, Self Image and Career counseling.

The organisations that I worked with may not have had all the money in the world to do the work they wanted to do in schools, however, they put their best foot foot forward and did the best with amidst the scarcity of resources. One of these organisations, Youth For Christ, a Christian movement, which put into our hands a skill to be able to engage across the racial, class, and cultural divide through their youth volunteer teams. It was through these youth teams that we learnt how to work with the little you have and still produce quality youth interventions that are able to speak into the lives of young people and bring the change.

I have noticed, though, over the years how community development have become a CSI playground. Many well meaning funders have injected massive budgets into numerous youth and community based programmes without a clear objective. Theirs is just another programme and another mechanism they can use to tick the box and prove to the taxman that they have offered help. This tendency is not just a corporate/company fault but the error of governments in developing countries like South Africa.
A large population of of our country is still dependent on grants. We are getting used to dependency from the moment we are born. This dependency follows us to school where our school management teams and principals, who are supposedly CEOs of these governmental institutions, seems to be unclear as to where they are leading their schools. 

Welcome to the new era of dependency! 

We seem to be perpetuating a dependency syndrome in a so-called free society.

What if we changed our approach? What if we allowed people and community based institutions become aware of the importance of self-determination? After all isn't that the reason why we fought for freedom? Self determination? 

My fear is that the longer we keep on feeding this dependency the more depleted our resources will become.

The question is: how long can we keep this going?

I wonder...

So many people are caught up in the game of trying to be like some one they are not. They live their lives half asleep while trying to navigate life's challenges. Nowadays it has become easier to fake our true identities instead of being who we were created to be.

This challenge may seem like a cliche as we are used to hearing it from various sources such as preachers, self help books, and motivational speakers. The phrase that often accompany it is always 'Be an original. Not a photocopy.' My sense is that many people have become tired of hearing these cliches so much that whenever they are spoken we roll our eyes and check our watches giving the speaker an indication to hurry up and get done. We have become numb to motivational jargon and I concede this arena has been overplayed and to a certain degree over-rated.

MY STORY

As a secondary school learner I found it difficult to fit into crowds. When I was finally accepted in a crowd I spent a lot of my time trying to please my friends. I was one of those guys who would say yes to a group decision only to wonder why I agreed to it when I was alone. 

This tendency often led to my friends taking me for granted and despising what I had to say. To them I was just a follower not a leader in my own right. And because of my quiet personality I allowed this treatment to grow like a python to the degree that it literally became difficult to manage. 

Later when I was 18 years I realised that there is no way that my friends will be there to live my life for me. You see my life was encapsulated in group think and group decisions so much that I forgot that I was an individual who is ultimately responsible for my life.

The Journey to Change

It was not until I was confronted by the challenge to make a personal decision to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord that I saw the importance of an individual decision. This turning point became very critical for me. Whereas before I would wait to check what my friends thought, now I was forced to step out from the crowd and be confronted by the Cross of Jesus Christ with my shortfalls, sins, and limitations on my own. 

I knew that this decision will bring about a lot of changes in my life that may not resonate with my friends and to a certain extend my family. But deep in my heart I knew that it was highly critical for me to take this decision without the opinion of friends. And in my opinion, I believe the first step to the journey of being an original had just begun.

The ongoing Journey... Aluta Continua

May I say that this struggle to being an original is not a once-off event but an ongoing process of defining yourself in the midst of challenges, complications and resistance. It is the ongoing fight to stay true to your identity when others keep trying to superimpose theirs on you. I continue to remind myself that my name is Olefile Masangane and not some obscure person whom no one can relate to. I was made and designed with specific attributes and traits that no one else can mimic.

A lesson from nature

Some of the environmental experts say that the act of mimicry is dangerous in the wild. It is believed that species that look dangerous and act likewise have a better chance of survival than those that act dangerously but are not dangerous. In the same way, people can get caught up in the lives of others so much that their lives begin to dictate terms for your life. The best way to get the most out of your life is to quit trying to be like someone else and be yourself.

God Bless

Olefile

The Value of Community

 

I am writing this note at a leadership camp with 12 learner from Altmont Technical High School in Soweto and 3 of their educators. This particular leadership model is based on the premise that we cannot put greatness in humanity, but our role as practitioners is to elicit it for greatness is already there as was said by John Buchan. This programme is currently championed by Columba 1400 South Africa and it is closely linked to its mother organization in Scotland Columba 1400.

Through this initiatives young people get to interrogate certain pro-social values with the hope of internalizing them in order to foster healthy, striving and successful schools and communities. Most importantly this process is about the individual young person. It is about assisting young people identify their mission in life and clarify their values and allow these to be an internal navigational system that will help them when faced with complicated circumstances.

In every academy, we highlight the importance of living in a more cohesive society. And in order to live in such a society, we need to be willing, as individuals, to embrace community values like co-operation , peace, love and above all Ubuntu, which an African value that simply means I am because you are. The crux of this value is that we cannot claim individual success while compromising the survival of the community. In my opinion, the survival of our schools, communities, societies, and country depends on all our willingness to come to terms with the fact that None of us is as smart as all of us.

Just thinking

 

Olefile

I recently glanced through Ben Zander’s “Art of possibility.” Those who are familiar with Ben Zander are aware that he is well-known as the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra. Ben’s way of life is that anybody can do whatever they put their minds onto. This is a very significant truth especially for us here in Africa. For a long time we have been regarded as a populace that needs aid rather than being significant role-players in pushing the human race forward not only our continent but around the world.

The greatest teacher of all time, Jesus Christ once said “What is impossible with man, it is possible with God.” In other words, for possibility to be there, there must be a threat of impossibility. Whenever we are faced with life’s most challenging situation, we must stop and ask ourselves “what possibility can I unearth in as I am going through this.”

I must admit this is not easy for me sometimes. There are times when I feel like giving up on hope and possibility, especially when I see injustice prevailing, children being abused, the powerless trampled underfoot. I wonder whether it is worth even believing that tomorrow will be better than today even for that woman who finds herself trapped in an abusive relationship. At the same time the question comes to me: “Can I afford not to hope? Can I afford not to think that there are possibilities within every problem we often face? After all, the reason I am still alive is because of hope.” And another great writer Paul says “And these three will remain: Hope, faith, and love.

Is it possible to trade our problems for possibilities? Yes it is.  

It was a midsummer morning in the early 1900s when a young Malawian man called Nnaene Nyando went on a journey in search for greener pastures in other parts of Africa. In his mind Africa belonged to those who lived in it so the boarders were not going to stand in the way of his adventurous discovery. He crossed the Zambezi into Zimbabwe then into Seretse Khama’s Botswana where he met a radiant Motswana woman called Maikano. The two fell in love and had children who will later inherit this rich cultural background of how the ‘so-called foreigner’ established himself among the Batswanas and was accepted for who he was.

Maikano  joined Nnaene on his journey  along the Ngotoane Dam into Lekubung, the land of the Bahurutshe. Nyando stepped out and took great risks into destiny.

We are told the Nyandos were the first to dig a well in Lekubung. This well is still known as the ‘Sediba so raNyanto-The Well of the Nyandos’ to this day. Later, they were blessed with a daughter and named her Pauline. She was given to marriage to a handsome Swati man from the Nkosi family. It is to this two that my mother Josephine Nkosi was born. Her brother Motala Nkosi would later join the South African military during World War II as an ambulance driver. Motala stepped out into the most dangerous battlegrounds to volunteer in the most deadly wars in human history. His was not service that was fixed on the price, rather it was inspired by a pressing need at the time. The whole world was at war and somebody had to step out into the front lines. We were told that the black soldiers who served during this war only came back with a bicycle and bag of mielie meal while white soldiers were given farms and houses.

Josephine later met a young Tsonga man called Michael Masangane. They married and settled in White City, Jabavu, in Soweto. Michael, a school teacher fell ill and due to the political unrest in the Johannesburg area, he insisted that Josephine relocates to Zeerust. Here, Josephine lived with her mother Pauline who would help her raise her young children Johannes and Dumazile. In the wake of 1970, she heard of a new location being built west of Zeerust town. She then registered for a house there and succeeded. Single-handedly, she stepped out to raise her two children and the five that would follow.

Things were not that easy for black people in apartheid South Africa as the Group Areas Act attempted to force people into their own tribal geographic area. This system was carried over into the so-called Bantustans or homelands. So my mother struggled with her children in the Bophuthatswana homeland where she was forced to acquire citizenship in order to live in Lehurutshe Townhip. Other Nguni families started changing their surnames to suit the act and the newly established Setswana settlement. The Nkosi (Meaning King in isiZulu & siSwati) surname was changed to Kgosi, which carries the same meaning in Setswana, to resonate with the Setswana dialect. Unfortunately the surname Masangane could not be translated as it carried no meaning. So things became difficult for us as children.

In the wake of 07 January 1975, I was born. My biological father is Simon Mthombeni, however I was raised to be a Masangane. I was named after my uncle Olefile Samuel Nkosi and was called “Malome” as is custom in most African families. They believed that you are disrespecting the original bearer of the name if you call the one named after him by his first name. And so I was raised to be the uncle of everyone in the Lehurutshe Township.

The Story of my family from Nyando to Nkosi, Masangane to Mthombeni, is a story about risk. It is a story of how human beings have the potential to brave the most challenging circumstances to become whatever they want to be. 

I was reading the book of Genesis 45: 5 and it was like I was seeing these words for the first time. The verse read: "Now, don't be sad or angry with yourselves that you sold me. God sent me ahead of you to save lives."

If you don't know the story, it is about how Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers because of jealousy. They were irritated by the type of dreams that Joseph used to dream. He caused them to rage with jealousy until one day they thought 'enough is enough.' And so they sold him to the Ishmaelites.

Later on we hear that there was a famine in their land. But in Egypt, were Joseph braved sexual temptation and prison to become the prime minister, there was plenty of food. So the 11 brothers goes on a search for food and they arrive in Egypt. After a couple of visits, Joseph reveals himself to them and they are shocked! But the words that comes out of his mouth are even more shocking: Don't blame yourselves, Blame it on God!

The lesson I can draw from this verse is that there is nothing wrong with the trouble we are going through. God is using it to set us up for greater things. All we need is the change of attitude. As the saying usually goes: It's not a set-back, it's a set-up. People can't take the credit for it. God is the only one who is in control. The most important aspect of this set up is that, we need to have the right attitude for what God is about to release us into.

So no matter how hard your circumstances, don't grumble, God is working on you. As the Apostle Paul put it, "In all things it is God who works for the good of all who love Him..."

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did." T.E Lawrence, also known as Lawrence of Arabia

A compelling vision is one that is fuelled by the conviction that current circumstances cannot dictate our future destiny. Knowing what your vision of the future is can go a long way in setting you free from opinion. It can also help you remain focused even when things are not going well.

This brings me to the story of Gukurahundi, a Shona word meaning "the early rain which washes away the chaff before the spring rains." which refers to the conflict between Robert Mugabe's Shona dominated ZANU PF and the Ndebele dominated followers of Joshua Nkomo. There were killings all over Matebeleland in the 1980's.

It was during this period, we were told, that my late aunt, while living in this region of Zimbabwe with her husband Anthony Moyo and children were forced to flee the country to save their lives. Due to the irgency of the situation, they had to heard toward South Africa on foot. I have a vivid picture of this family: my aunt and my uncle, their eldest son, his younger sister and brother carrying whatever they could and navigating their way through the woods to cross the boarder to South Africa.

This scary situation, however, did not deter them from seeing the possibility of arriving at a safe destination. The good news is that they were able reach South Africa all in one piece.

There is so much we can learn about vision in this story. When I heard it again recently it helped me understand that having a clear vision is about Living life fully conscious of the moment and Adopting a "never quit" mentality.

1. Living Life fully conscious of the moment

In his book "Tuesdays with Morrie" Mitch Albom quotes Morrie a dying professor as saying: "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. They way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." This statement rings true for today's soceity. It seems as if people have relinquished their ability to dream to politicians, school teachers, and religious leaders. This due to the fact that we are not conscious of the moments we may find ourselves in.

When we become conscious of where we are, we are then able to take stalk of our lives and decide on the way we will deal with things in the future. It is the ability to be aware of our circumstances so that we don't allow them to dictate our internal destiny. Let's be fair, our external circumstances can be harsh sometimes. In most cases they can cloud our judgment of so that we become unaware of our true potential. Most of us who have a disadvantaged background can remember how easy it can be to settle for second best when there is a world of opportunity at our disposal. We allow these circumstances to mystify our success. Like Dr Myles Munroe once said "Eyes are there to see. Never believe them." What we often see with our eyes can sometimes make us lose sight of the possibility of greater things.

Dr Munroe goes on to say that vision is the ability to see beyond your eyes. This means I can see the possibility beyond the the impossible. Like the time I was doing Grade 12 and my Accounting teacher came and stood by my desk and said: "You are going to flunk. Take Standard grade Accounting." My current reality asserted his suggestion. I was struggling that year. However, I just had a gut feeling that I should continue with Higher Grade Accounting. Well, I can now confidently say that I did pass my accounting not because I was clever but because I chose to see possibility beyond impossibility.

2. Adopting a never quit mentality

I am sure my uncle and my aunt could have given up hope anytime on their escape from Zimbabwe. However, they chose to persevere under those bleak circumstances until they reached a safe destination. A clear vision inspires a 'never quit mentality.'

Having been a father for a year now I can testify that babies have a great ability to persevere under harsh circumstances. I have witnessed the resillience of a baby in the way my son, Kgato persevered whenever his mother dressed the ambilical cord. As much as I symphathized with him, I knew that there was nothing I could do to feel that pain for him. However, I am aware of how as we grow older we tend to give up easily whenever we are faced with difficult circumstances. And this, unfortunately denies us the opportunity to discover the best that life can offer. We settle for second best, while there is a world of opportunity at our door step and all it takes is for us to step out and press on to achieve.